My husband has never been a flower-giving kind of guy (maybe it’s because his dad was never a flower-giving kind of guy). So he generally saves them for special occasions. The first time my mom had us over for dinner I suggested that he bring flowers, just the inexpensive bouquet from the local grocery store. When he handed them to her you would have thought he brought her diamonds! She was so surprised and pleased and loved him even more for his thoughtfulness (yeah, well…).
I often buy flowers for others, for a birthday or an informal get together. Who doesn’t like to receive flowers? I was at the grocery store the other day and for some reason I thought, “I think I’ll get flowers for my table.” I picked out an inexpensive bunch along with some greenery. It was a decent arrangement (I sure could have used my sister-in-law’s expertise!) and it looked so nice. When my husband came in he looked at them and said, “Where did you get the flowers?” like I had a secret admirer! I told him I bought them for myself. He looked at me quizzically. They lasted over a week and really brightened up the table.
Today I salvaged as much as I could to keep them around longer. To my surprise when my husband returned from the store he brought flowers! He said, ‘Those were on their last leg so I brought you these.” And I was surprised and pleased and loved him even more for his thoughtfulness.
Sometimes you can’t just tell them, you have to show them.
So when my husband and I started dating we had those conversations every new couple has. One of those conversations in particular sticks out to me. We discussed our parents, their relationships, and the longevity of their marriages (both 30+ years!). When I heard him talk about his parents I knew that this was the man I was going to marry. He told me how they had been together since the 8th grade, and how much he respected that. He told me that it hadn’t always been easy for them, of course, but that he loved their commitment to each other. He had the same relationship goals I did, and even knowing that our parents’ relationships haven’t always been easy (or fun!), the fact that they have stuck together through thick and thin was something to admire.
So I started to think, what is it that makes a relationship work for the long haul? And as I spent more time with his parents, and paid more attention to mine, I began to realize that it’s the little things. It’s the way my dad brings my mom coffee every morning. It’s the way his mom makes his dad’s favorite foods. It’s the way they enjoy spending time together (and yes, both men complain about how much money their wives spend, and how they COULD be spending FREE time together at home instead of going on yet ANOTHER trip).
But honestly, 5 years (and a LOT of wine) later, I think I’m starting to get it. We may not always agree, and we OFTEN have a difference in priorities (seriously, is it NOT more important to clean the guest bathroom than it is the garage when we have people coming over in an HOUR?!), but I think it’s fair to say that we at least usually make the attempt to put the other first. J will let me sleep in (sometimes taking the baby monitor with him), and have coffee ready when I get up. He asks how my day was, and rubs my back when he knows I’m stressed. He does the little things that I don’t want to do (or don’t even THINK about doing-like bleaching the sink. Do people really DO that?!) Does he forget to put things on the grocery list? Or have NO idea how to dress the kids for school (or even what time it starts, if we’re being totally honest) Or go on and on and on…. about things that happen at work that I don’t understand and really have no interest in? Of course! And I’m sure that there are a few things that I do that drive him crazy (probably not many ). But I try to pay attention to doing the little things for him too. I make sure that he doesn’t have to worry about the things that don’t interest him (like making the CUTEST fruit kabobs for the daycare Valentine’s day party, or making sure that EVERYONE has clean underwear-I seriously wonder sometimes how he thinks it gets into his drawers…)
All in all, I think it’s the little things that make a relationship work. The thing is, I could get mad about the things he doesn’t do (and I do. I’m not a SAINT!), or I could try to focus on the little things he DOES do. It’s not always easy, and it’s not always my first instinct, but it is something I’m working on. And honestly, I have to ask myself which battles I’m willing to fight, and which ones just aren’t worth it. At the end of the day, it’s best to just enjoy the little things.
EO for the day: Ylang Ylang
Ylang Ylang has a sweet, floral sent, and is a great EO for lifting your mood! Try adding it in a warm bath, or mixing it with a carrier oil (like coconut, jojoba, or sweet almond) to make a massage oil. You can also diffuse it to brighten your mood!
If you are interested in ordering any of Young Living’s essential oils, feel free to click the link below!